Do you ever read a book and when you're finished you just think: "Wow, this was exactly the book I needed to read this week?" Well that was In One Life and Out Another by J Mercer for me this week. After some emotional ups and downs and many moments where I felt that I was no longer in control of certain situations and facing major decisions which could completely change my career trajectory, I could definitely relate to the main character in this story... read on to see why.
To skip to the actual review click here...
Let's just back things up a bit. This week has been a bit of an emotional train wreck for me. I have been teaching Grade 3/4 at my school for 7 years (at the school for 8), and absolutely love my job. There are tough moments, that's for sure, but it is what I am passionate about and has felt like my dream job every day. On Monday, I was told by my admin that I would be moving to middle years, there was no conversation, no opportunity to share my concerns, and (seemingly) no option for me to continue in my current position or even look at a different early years position at my school. I was devastated. I needed some time to sit with my emotions, and also to advocate for my needs and my career path.
I spent Tuesday considering my options. I looked into the reassignment policies and advocated for myself (including writing a letter to my superintendent explaining why 1/2 would be a better fit for me). I also looked at some other jobs and updated my resume! Most importantly though, I did what was best for me and my mental health and took the day off. I went back Wednesday with the intention of taking things day-by-day and not committing to going to school Thursday. I seriously considered taking a leave (please note this was not a temper tantrum about having to switch grades, it was a much more complicated situation than a blog post could go into, and occurred immediately after I had just finished dedicating hundreds of hours of extracurricular time to my school for a musical I directed and at a point where I was so physically and mentally exhausted I was approaching burnout, even without this shitty situation piled on), something I had never done before, and I finally realized that I needed to do what was best for me going forward.
In the end it worked out that I will be teaching Grade 1/2 next year. It is still really sad, and I am still very frustrated by the way things were handled, but I am thankful that I am able to stay at my school, in my preferred stream (ie. Early Years vs. Middle Years), and that my voice was heard. I have taught 1/2 before, the first year I was at the school, but that was quite a while ago, and not to mention, pre-pandemic... the "weak" students I was seeing 8 years ago at least had strong educational beginnings. My new students would have been 3-4 years old when the pandemic hit, while they wouldn't likely have experienced remote learning or really had any learning loss, but they will be coming to my class with compromised and delayed social skills, a lack of experiences with preschool learning, and an over reliance on technology in their early years. Additionally, funding and budgets have changed drastically since I was last in this grade level, and the lack of educational assistants and clinicians in the schools will absolutely impact the services available to my new young learners. Despite staying in the same school and teaching a grade I have at least taught before, I have some major changes and challenges ahead of me, but I advocated for myself and at least I got an option I am ok with. Now back to the book review...
The author, J Mercer, reached out to me on instagram after I had read and reviewed her previous book, Perfection and Other Illusive Things, back in November 2022 (see that post here) asking if I would like to read an ARC of this book. I was totally game and am super glad I gave this one a read!
In One Life and Out Another tells the story of Marin, a high school senior who is trying to make a variety of decisions such as which college to attend or whether or not to date the nice boy who is interested in her. Each chapter is divided into two sections, this is a very simple way to describe them: the first is one side of a decision and the second section is the other outcome. It is not quite so "choose your own adventure" as that description may seem though. There are two sides of the story of Marin's life, with several features that are common to both trajectories, for example, her controlling mother, indecision about dating Sam, friendship/relationship challenges, and uncertainty around college applications. But each side also has its own unique aspects. The first half of every chapter describes Marin's life if she is still friends with her best friend Hannah and no longer friends with Whitney, her parents are divorced and her mom relies on her for emotional support, and she knows Sam through her friend group, specifically Hannah, she is hoping to go to college with Hannah, far enough away from her mom, but at a school that offers physical therapy training. The second half of each chapter tells Marin's life with her parents still together but dysfunctional, she is still friends with Whitney rather than Hannah, she struggles to balance working at a grocery store (with Sam) and dancing at a studio where she is required to teach younger students, she wants to go to California for school to potentially make it in the dance industry. Several of the events of the story take place for both sides of Marin's life, such as high school dances, college applications and being pursued by Sam, but the way in which she handles them or the way in which they are presented to her vary depending on which side of the story it is in. For example, Marin attends a party in both scenarios, but in the first version she goes after the dance with Hannah, to the house of one of Sam's coworkers, in the second version, she goes to her coworker's party with Whitney to boycott the dance. Similar confrontations and events take place in both versions of the party, but the cause and effect of each are slightly different because of the different storylines.
The mother in this story reminded me so much of the mother in I'm Glad My Mom Died by Jeanette McCurdy. When I read this quote I thought immediately "RED FLAG". Marin's mother clearly had some mental health issues, but to admit that you ended your marriage because you didn't feel you control your husband anymore (hence why you control your daughter's ever choice), indicates some seriously destructive thought patterns.
I initially was a bit worried about the back and forth storytelling because I can easily get lost in multiple-perspective stories, and the thought of having to keep track of the same characters in two different scenarios was a bit daunting at first. I decided that I would always read a whole chapter, never only half, which I found was a good strategy, but also meant I kept committing to reading more and more (I read almost 50% of the book the first night...). That being said, I quickly realized it was not necessary and I am sure for an average reader who isn't reading 11 books at one time and trying to keep a million other things on the go, this would not be a hard story to follow by any means. The writing was absolutely fantastic, and the concept and storyline(s) were so well done. It was a really neat way to present this story and I loved every minute of it! I loved the consistency of events in both sides of Marin's life and the way that in the end they wrapped up to be the same story as she learned lessons about herself.
I thought this was an interesting quote. It was clear even very early on in the story that Marin struggles with people pleasing tendencies and that she struggles to feel in control of her life. Consistently choosing to put her own needs behind those of her best friend and mother Marin rarely felt free to do what was best for her without an arduous thought process. When you enter into any relationship (romantic or otherwise), you do give a tiny piece of yourself to that person, but I thought it was interesting that Marin made this connection as she entered into a relationship with Sam, even though he is a much more supportive person than her other close relationships.
This book is definitely a YA coming of age story and intended for younger audiences, but I think that the lessons that this story teaches are applicable to people at any age in life. I really appreciated the lessons related to relationships, as young adults (but also could apply to people at any age), often are learning to navigate new relationships or changes to relationships that come during growth and maturity. Mercer offers readers opportunities to consider relationship themes and challenges such as: understanding that just because someone is your family, does not mean you need to plan your life around them - if someone treats you poorly, you can stand up for yourself - if he is the right person for you, he will stick around through the good and bad - even if you could go back and do things differently, you will still have regrets when it comes to relationships.
I think that Marin is a great role model for young readers, and the messages in the story are really suitable for young adult readers. As I said before, it is definitely applicable for other readers and even though it was set in high school, I really enjoyed the premise of the two alternate lives and the messages within regardless of the 'coming of age' style decisions and plot points. As far as age appropriateness, there is definitely some underage drinking and weed/vaping that happens, sex is referred to in passing, but there are no explicit scenes and minimal foul language. Definitely fine for a young adult audience!
On Friday, my principal announced that I "accepted" a new position in 1/2. While this is technically true, it left out a lot of the emotion that went along with the events of this week. As colleagues unknowingly congratulated me on something they thought was a change I had hoped for, I put on a smile and thanked them. I will probably still be healing from the emotions of this week for some time in the future, but I am proud that I advocated for myself. Reading this book reminded me of that. Even when you feel like you don't have control, you do have some choice and can make decisions for yourself.
I would definitely recommend this book and am so glad I got the chance to read it! It comes out May 16th, so go grab your preorder now!
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