When I was about 1/3 of the way through Eleanor Oliphant is Completely Fine by Gail Honeyman I went to google to ask what turned out to be a highly debated question: "Does Eleanor Oliphant have autism?" Evidently, there were multiple sides to the question and answer, including real and assumed understandings of autism, the impact that childhood trauma has on our personalities as adults and whether reading about a character with quirky or antisocial characteristics qualifies any of us to diagnose fictional characters with neurological disorders (it does not). People became quite animated in crafting their responses, as is common practice in internet comment sections, including a woman who has been diagnosed with autism describing her outrage that people might suggest Eleanor does not have autism because she wants to hold someone's hand. I am not one for fiery comment sections so I've decided to not have an opinion on the matter - Eleanor Oliphant definitely has some interesting characteristics and personality traits which make her an extremely entertaining and loveable character, thus making this book a truly amazing work of art.
Eleanor Oliphant is Completely Fine tells the story of a 31 year old woman who lives alone in an apartment, follows an extremely predictable routine and does not socialize with her colleagues at her office job. She has an addiction to vodka which she consumes mainly on the weekends to help her get through the weekend alone. On Wednesdays, she speaks on the phone with her narcissistic and extremely abusive mother who seems to be either incarcerated or institutionalized (the answer is revealed very late in the novel) and this causes Eleanor pain and feelings of guilt or self-loathing.
Over the course of the middle of the story Eleanor begins a journey where she changes her appearance, takes risks by attending social events, and frequently alters her routines. She starts by wanting to alter her appearance to better fit the mainstream images expected of women with attractive and successful male partners, but the end result is a full transformation both inside and out. Throughout this journey readers are treated to some hilarious situations such as: telling her nail technician she could easily get the same result at home, bringing half a bottle of vodka and some cheese slices to a 40th birthday celebration and yelling at a barista that deserves privacy and shall not give her name! This is where the autism speculations clearly come from; Eleanor's lack of understanding of social norms and uncommon responses to everyday situations leave both her acquaintances and the reader perplexed and sometimes giggling.
Despite her odd choices and at times, difficult personality traits, Eleanor is an extremely endearing protagonist who readers will immediately fall in love with. As you read about her being mistreated or teased by her coworkers and as she uncovers the painful elements of her past, it is easy to feel angry and want to take action to help her. Over time though, we see Eleanor grow tremendously, and not just in style and social wherewithal, as she lets go of her difficult past and becomes the woman she has always wanted to be. Honeyman handles difficult situations such as mental illness, depression, domestic violence, sexual abuse, addiction, self harm, rape, therapy and negative self-image in beautiful and touching ways. There is a lot you can learn from Eleanor's story, and no matter how socially adept you may feel or how wonderful your childhood may have been, I think that all readers can connect with or relate to Eleanor in one way or another.
I would highly recommend this book to anyone who enjoyed books like A Man Called Ove (Fredrik Backman), Under the Whispering Door (TJ Klune) or The Midnight Library (Matt Haig). This book is beautifully written, insightful, meaningful and inspiring. Review in one sentence: If there is a long wait for a copy at your local library, it's worth it! Continue on for some more of my thoughts on the book, including some of my favourite quotes and hilarious situations.
My Favourite Hilarious Situations:
When Eleanor is at a party she is asked to dance, something that she has never done before. She describes the YMCA as a mix of "free-form jigging and communal shapes in the air" (p. 168) and is disappointed when the next dance is just the free-form jigging with no communal arm patterns. After dancing (sorry - free-form jigging) with a man for a while he asks her if she wants a drink and she replies " No thank you, I don't want to accept a drink from you because then I would be obliged to purchase one for you in return and I'm afraid I'm simply not interested in spending two drinks' worth of time with you." (p.169). He can't hear her over the music (thankfully!) but she is able to signal no and then wanders off wondering if maybe he had tinnitus.
Eleanor describes a reality tv show she is watching with her cat as: "a televisual game in which people with fatally flawed understanding of statistics (specifically, of probability theory) selected numbered boxes, each containing a check, to be opened in turn, in the how of unearthing a six-figure sum. They based their selections on wildly unhelpful factors such as their birth date or that of a person they cared about, their house number or, worst of all, 'a good feeling' about a particular integer." (p. 290).
All the feels:
This quote above stuck with me as I often describe my anxiety as feeling like "my life is so precarious and could fall apart at any moment". I think this sentiment is one that many survivors of childhood trauma share. When you have to make adult decisions or are put in adult situations as a little person, each incident you navigate feels like good luck because you had no idea what you were doing. Survivors may carry this with them into adulthood, looking at situations they can now successfully navigate as luck. In the context of this quote, Eleanor is describing her plant dying and how life can end so quickly and unexpectedly.
It reminds me of a situation I was in just a few weeks ago. For my cousin's wedding I got my first set of shellac gel nails, I hadn't had a manicure since my high school grad 13 years ago, and was excited about how much I loved my new nails. After less than a week of trying to open cans with a fork, making David open my mail and re-learning how to type on a computer and phone, my luck of narrowly avoiding breaking a nail ran out as I broke my thumbnail opening a cupboard! I felt a rush of sadness (and embarrassment) and as I told David about my nail I started to cry. He reassured me that the $5 ish dollars plus tip to fix it was well worth it and I could simply book an appointment the next day. Deep down I knew this too, but why was I crying? The precariousness of life was being reconfirmed by my subconscious thoughts. I told myself that things I like can only last for so long before they are ruined or I can't have them anymore. I didn't realize how much the nails really meant to me until this moment. That night I went to bed and when I woke up I remembered a really strange dream where I woke up (dream within a dream much?) and discovered that I had ripped off each of my nails in my sleep. I told David about this dream (thank god he loves me, I might be as odd as Eleanor) and he sang the word "trauma" to me as he made his coffee.
When I was relaying this experience to my therapist a few days later (yes, I see a therapist, you probably should too!) and laughing because honestly it felt like such a silly reaction, especially once I did get the nail redone and they looked great again. She said "hmm, so (in your dream) while you slept something you loved was taken away from you?" As usual, she hit the giant shiny nail on the head. Aren't therapists amazing? They help you put the puzzle pieces together while your subconscious is the screaming toddler running around with the pieces and hiding them all over the house. And funnily enough, books can be like therapists; they can give you some of those pieces, but you've got to find the right way to fit them together.
Look at those pretty nails. You'd cry too if you broke them! Maybe not. But you've gotta admit they're pretty darn cute!
Little bit of background info about me: I have had chronic psychological insomnia since I was a small child, staying awake at night was a coping mechanism I used to help me face those adult decisions and situations I wasn't ready for. If I was awake, I thought I could be prepared for anything, even if I was only 5.
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