This memoir tells the story of a young woman who experienced significant verbal and physical abuse at the hands of her mother, but managed to learn and grow into a successful business woman and mother. Despite the many challenges she faced growing up and the many times she found herself in dire situations, Natasha was able to survive and persevere in incredible ways and this story shows that even people coming from a very difficult upbringing can achieve their dreams.
I love the title of the story, but also think that her motto of "faking it" would also have been an apt title. I definitely recognized a little bit of imposter syndrome in Natasha's writing. It is clear that she is a remarkably talented musician and a very successful business woman, yet she second guesses herself all throughout her life. I think that the struggles she faced growing up created this "faking it" mantra or belief that she held. First, I think that Natasha's mentally ill and unstable mother who was extremely abusive made Natasha feel that she is worthless and completely useless because she literally told her those things. Second, I think that in a lot of ways, Natasha was set up to fail. When you are not given the supports needed and you do not have healthy attachments from a young age, it is very common for a person to believe they are not good enough or deserving of the success or appreciation they may receive later in life. I struggle with this too.
I really connected to Natasha because of our shared love of music and difficult childhoods. Like Natasha, I dove head first into any music or clubs I could join so that I could get forget about the challenges I faced at home and also so that I could avoid going home by staying at school or practice as long as possible. Because I could not afford very many lessons, like Natasha, I grew up with gaps in my technical understanding of music which also contributed to my imposter syndrome in Music.
As a university student I went back to my high school to volunteer with the musical and choir program I loved so much. I was able to further the leadership role I had in my choir as a lead alto by becoming a mentor to the alto singers and an assistant director in the musical. I felt confident that I knew what I was doing musically for the first time in a long time. Even today I often have to remind myself that I understand music and I should give in to that passion more often.
The depression and anxiety that Natasha struggled with is also very relatable, especially the self harming she described where she picked her scabs, causing more scabs to pick. This is an obsessive compulsion I also struggle with, especially near my nail beds. Once I start I find it almost impossible to stop. The pain it causes is like a rush. There is almost a cycle to it; there is pain, so I pick, but the picking causes pain, so I continue to pick which causes more pain which causes more picking. I am embarrassed by this habit, which feels like a billboard saying "I'm stressed" anytime someone sees my hands. The therapy and medication that Natasha described and normalized are the same strategies that have helped me. The fact that she demonstrates that this is an ongoing, life-long battle is also something that makes me feel connected to her and her story.
I thought that Natasha was able to share a very difficult and personal story in a way that could be inspiring and also informative for others experiencing a rough time in their lives or recovering from past traumatic events. While dedicating a significant portion of her book to the challenges she faced in childhood, she also balanced that with the successes and difficulties she experienced as an adult. At times I wished for just a little more detail about her childhood, but after finishing the story I felt that she achieved a very good balance.
I would recommend this book to readers who enjoy memoirs and want to read about successful women who came from very challenging backgrounds. Additionally, if you are a fan of Natasha Miller's music or musicians and entrepreneurs you will also love this book.
I so appreciate Booksirens for giving me the opportunity to read and review a copy of this wonderful memoir.
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