This story is a memoir written by a woman who was the eldest child of a mentally ill, blind woman. Beverly's mother was an aspiring artist who received corneal transplants to improve her vision twice, but with the fluctuation in her vision also came the fluctuation in her mental health and as a result, the family's precarious situation. Facing significant abuse, poverty, neglect and her own mental health challenges, Beverly found ways to survive and support her younger siblings as best as she could.
I found this memoir almost impossible to put down. Any glimmer of hope that made its way into the story was followed by a series of terrible, gut wrenching events such as her mother's improved vision leading to what seemed like endless opportunities, but actually resulting in homelessness, food scarcity, and squalid conditions. The title, Seeing Eye Girl, aptly describes the caregiver role Beverly was forced to assume from a very young age, often seen by outsiders as a moral responsibility, while actually being way too much responsibility for a child. As a result of her traumatic past, it is remarkable how successfully Beverly was able to handle the challenging situations thrown at her and her family and find her way to the light at the end of the tunnel.
As I began reading this story I almost immediately connected with the author, despite the many differences between Beverly and I (age/time period, country, size of family) I also found many similarities and parallels between our lives. From a young age, Beverly was exposed to domestic violence, something that I still struggle to admit happened in my childhood as well. Our mothers were both disabled and we both were forced into care giver roles that we should not have been expected to fill. The poverty Beverly faced was also something I related to, though at times hers was significantly worse than what I faced, I related to the cramped apartments with minimal proper furnishings, food scarcity (and related disordered eating patterns), and constant adult worries. Beverly is also a Grade 4 teacher, and the descriptions of her passion for teaching and her students brought me joy and felt so similar to my own teaching philosophy and love of my career.
But most of all, I related to the secrecy Beverly works so hard to create. Beverly describes herself as "Strong Beverly" and "Weak Beverly", while I never created a name for my other persona, I definitely had two identities. There was what everyone saw in public, a relatively average kid who was a good student, very involved in school and the community, happy and positive. There was also the anxious child suffering from undiagnosed anxiety, insomnia and PTSD who was struggling to manage the situation at home where Mom was sick, poverty loomed and no one could ever find out. This secrecy is something that I still struggle with today, and these little tid bits I'm sharing with you are a huge step in being more of an open book and not worrying too much about anyone finding out about my past.
While it was heartbreaking to read, I understood the hopes and dreams Beverly constantly clung to - that things would change, that "Yonkers Mom" would come back, that this time they would move to a better apartment, that maybe a new job, a new car, a new surgery might make a life altering difference. But Beverly kept surviving, for her mom, for her siblings and eventually for her students, and she had the courage to tell the world her story. I commend her for that. I'm not there yet but I hope this blog is a step in that direction. Despite being painful, her story in some ways was also inspiring, and reminded me that the strength and compassion we both developed out of need has managed to help us, our families and our students everyday. With every challenge, there are also opportunities to learn, grow and survive - even if we shouldn't have to face those challenges.
I would recommend this book for anyone interested in memoirs of childhood trauma, disabilities and US events/history for the 1940-1970 time period. Thank you to Netgalley and the publisher for the opportunity to read and review this phenomenal memoir which took me on a rollercoaster ride of emotions!
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