Oh my goodness. This book is BY FAR the best memoir I've read in a long time. I'm so excited to share my thoughts on it. I'm just going to preface this whole review by saying that you need to read this book and I'm gonna make it super easy for you by linking it way too often throughout this post. I can't help it, it's too good not to excessively recommend. In this post you'll find a synopsis, content warnings, my review, a TL;DR about the writing lol, and a final discussion about consent and neglect.
First, a synopsis:
So Damn Sketchy by Bonnie Kent is a memoir which covers a span of time from when Bonnie's father passed away at age 9 to shortly after her 21st birthday. Bonnie grew up in Melbourne, Australia, with her recently widowed mother, 3 siblings and her 15 year old brother's friend, Sean. Bonnie watches her older brother Adam act out as a teenager, flounders under her mother's limited supervision, and matures way too fast. In her early-mid teens she starts a long term relationship with a boy who is slightly older than her, named Lachlan, but comes from a relatively stable family who provide a safe space and sense of normalcy for her. There is quite a bit of tension between Lachlan and Bonnie's pseudo-brother Sean, who is 6 years older than her but still living in her family home. Lachlan suspects more is going on between Bonnie and this boy she refers to as family, as while it may not be quite as bad as Lachlan imagines, there is certainly merit to his concerns, there is definitely more than a brother-sister relationship forming between them.
As Bonnie transitions into her late teens the rifts between her and her mother grow, she and Lachlan break up, and she begins partying hard. All of a sudden, Sean moves with his girlfriend to Perth and the rest of Bonnie's siblings and mother move to Sydney without her, and essentially cut off all contact with her. Some of her friends from high school go away for college and Bonnie is left without a support system just as her partying starts to get out of control. When Bonnie turns 20 everything spirals and she quickly is in a very desperate situation: homeless, jobless, and significant mental health challenges. Sex, drugs and alcohol seem to be the only coping mechanisms she has and things get worse and worse. She needs help, and her saving grace comes from people she would least expect. But that's all I can say for now because you need to read this book! Go get a copy.
Content Warnings:
homelessness, drug and alcohol abuse, suicide and mental illness, consent/underage sex/borderline molestation, eating disorders.
My thoughts:
How to describe this book.... well I'll start by saying it is extremely powerful and almost impossible to put down. I'll be honest, I skim books. I read so much that some books just don't get my full attention. This book had my full attention from the first sentence to the authors note. Let me just say that one more time: the authors note. I rarely even read the author's note, I reread this one multiple times. I couldn't accept that the book was over. Is it possible for a memoir to end on a cliffhanger? I feel like this one did. I started formulating a plan where I will some how become Bonnie's friend and convince her to write more chapters. Or another book! I'm not sure how sketchy I sound right now, but I'm gonna guess pretty damn sketchy myself.
So what made this book so amazing that I can't accept that it is actually over? Well a lot of things. First, I connected a lot with Bonnie, she and I both went through some childhood trauma and loss, and while different traumatic events happened to us throughout our adolescent years, we both experienced some pretty significant trauma at ages 9, 12/13 and 20. For Bonnie, it was the death of her father, becoming experimenting sexually and growing up too fast as a young teen, and then her major crises at 20. Added to that, she and I are very close in age. I think that she was 20 in about 2009/2010, and I turned 20 in 2011, so she was at most 2 or 3 years older than me. Another goodreads reviewer mentioned that at some point it sunk in for her that since she and Bonnie were a similar age, only a few slightly different choices could have led to her ending up in the same situations. I cannot agree more. She may live on the other side of the world from me, but Bonnie's experience was more relatable to me than any other memoir I've read, and even though the logistics, events and outcomes are different, her story spoke to me in a very unique way.
Second, the book was extremely well written. It was broken into chapters that were each a pretty good length, and organized chronologically. It was easy to follow and flowed really well. I've said this before, but memoirs of trauma aren't easy to write in chronological order because trauma messes with you, especially when you start to pick at it. Writing a memoir would be a huge task for anyone, for victims of trauma it can be a tool to deal with the trauma but it doesn't mean it's going to be easy for others to understand or enjoy. So, when a survivor can write a really clear memoir that makes sense to the reader, that's a really huge accomplishment. Some reviewers have described this book as a memoir that reads like fiction, and I 100% agree with that statement too. I had to keep reminding myself that it was real. It was so well written I think if the author had given the main character a name other than Bonnie no one would have questioned that it was a work of fiction. Memoir-haters out there, don't be afraid, go get a copy of this book.
Third, or maybe 2b because it's still about writing, the emotional journey Bonnie takes you on is remarkable. To be able to share so openly some of the most terrible and difficult moments of your life in a way that comes across so clearly and emotionally that you cannot accept the book is over because there has to be more... how? How does someone accomplish this? I don't know, I'll have to ask Bonnie! When Bonnie is living in her car, you're right there with her. When she is driving to Sydney only to find out that her mother won't help her, she wont even talk to her, you are ready to scream into the voicemail right along with her. When she's in the pharmacy debating between birth control pills and soap, you're standing right there beside her, wishing she didn't have to make that choice. When you pick up this book you are immersed in it and you're part of the high stakes gamble that is each decision in Bonnie's life.
Finally, that last chapter and author's note. I can't think of a more powerful conclusion in any book I've ever read. Really this is just 2c because it's the writing again. TL;DR - this book is really well written. You need to read it. Go get a copy now.
So Damn Sketchy by Bonnie Kent is a memoir which covers a span of time from when Bonnie's father passed away at age 9 to shortly after her 21st birthday. Bonnie grew up in Melbourne, Australia, with her recently widowed mother, 3 siblings and her 15 year old brother's friend, Sean. Her mother really struggled to provide adequate supervision of her children which led to some dangerous behaviours in Bonnie's teen years. As Bonnie transitions into her late teens her long term and stable boyfriend Lachlan break up, she begins partying hard, and all of her family move away and essentially cut off all contact with her. When Bonnie turns 20 everything spirals and she quickly is in a very desperate situation facing homelessness, poverty, and significant mental health challenges. Sex, drugs and alcohol seem to be the only coping mechanisms she has and things get worse and worse. She needs help, and her saving grace comes from people she would least expect. <br /><br />How to describe this book.... well I'll start by saying it is extremely powerful and almost impossible to put down. This book had my full attention from the first sentence to the authors note. It was extremely well written from the formatting to the style to the emotional connection Bonnie made with her readers, it is the best book I've read in a long time. <br /><br />I go into way more depth on my blog: <a target="_blank" rel="noopener nofollow" href="https://teachreadinspire.wixsite.com/website/post/so-damn-sketchy">https://teachreadinspire.wixsite.com/...</a> so pop over there to read more. I should also mention some content warnings: poverty, addiction, mental health, consent/molestation, eating disorders, suicide, loss of family member, drugs and alcohol. Thanks so much to Katie and Brey PA for giving me the chance to read and voluntarily review this book as part of a blog tour!
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<a href="https://www.goodreads.com/review/list/34851571-angie-bridget">View all my reviews</a>
A final discussion:
One big question this book asks is "what constitutes grooming and molestation?" Honestly, if I was the judge or cop here, I'd have no problem saying that Sean crossed a line. Sean did not have underage sex with Bonnie, but that doesn't mean anything. Lachlan accuses Sean of grooming Bonnie, and I think that is a fair assessment, even though Lachlan did not know what was going on, it was obvious enough that he figured it out. Sean, who is an adult, masturbates behind her when she is in her early-mid teens, he comes into her room, he invites her into his bed. He never asks her if she wants to continue, he makes her keep it a secret, he knows there is a huge power differential and also that her mother would never suspect a thing. When Bonnie accuses him of molesting her, her world begins to fall apart because everyone believes Sean. Her mother is so upset she completely cuts off all contact. Awful. Just awful. Victim blaming and shaming.
But also, that's not the only awful mistake Bonnie's mom made. I get that she had it hard, losing your husband and having to care for 5 children between the ages of 3 and 15 is no easy task. But that does not excuse her of her responsibilities as a parent. Bonnie argues that her mother abandoned her and left her with a child molester for a month after her dad died when she went to Sydney with the two younger children. She's not wrong. Whether Sean molested her during that time or not, an abused and displaced 15 year old should not be taking care of his best friend and a 9 year old who are both grieving. FOR A MONTH. That's 100% neglect. Bonnie needed her mom, needed therapy, needed routine and support, and she left her alone with some teenage boys who partied and skipped school. Her supervision of her children was neglectful at best all through Bonnie's adolescence. I think that all of Bonnie's accusations, which took incredible strength to actually voice, were totally valid and I feel it's important that readers validate that.
On one last final note. I'm trying not to spoil anything but I can't not comment on Lachlan. He deserves his own romcom. He was by no means a perfect boyfriend, but he and his family are truly something else and I really hope that the years following this memoir held nothing but great things for them. That being said, their kindness must have been there for a reason, Bonnie is clearly a pretty amazing person and Lachlan's family obviously saw that. She 100% deserves the care and support she received and I'm really glad she was able to get that from them.
My first book blog tour!
I loved this book more than I ever could have imagined and I really hope that Bonnie Kent keeps writing. Memoir or fiction, I think it'd be great! Thanks so much to Katie and Brey PA for giving me the chance to read and review this memoir. This is my first official blog tour review and I am so glad it was with this book. I know I'll always remember it. Now stop stalling and go buy this book!!!