I started reading this book as an audiobook (reading? listening? what verb should I use here?) and knew instantly that I needed to read it in print. I added it to my TBR, promptly forgot all about this plan, started reading it, got like 15% in and thought: "have I read this book before?". Then I scoured my entire goodreads list trying to see if I could find it, I eventually gave up, opened up my NetGalley app to play an audiobook and THERE IT WAS 20% of the way in. This is what happens when you have too many books to read! David just said to me yesterday: "Do you know how many books normal people read? 1 at a time. Just 1." as he shoved my kindle and two currently reading books out of the way so he could sit on the couch. I *might* have a *slight* addiction. Anyway... back to Uncultured.
Uncultured is a memoir written by a "Children of God" cult survivor (also known as "The Family"). The first half of the book is about Daniella's childhood in South America where she experienced serious child abuse as well as neglect, incest, sexual harassment and rape at the hands of a variety of adults all referred to as "aunties" and "uncles". At 16, Daniella is excommunicated (by choice) and fleas to America to live with her older half sibling. She goes on to complete high school despite improper schooling throughout her childhood, and then goes on to college. From there she joins the army, which leads to the second half of the book. Daniella makes several comparisons between her life in the cult and her life in the army, some of which include: sexual assault, sexism, abuse, prejudice and trauma.
The parallels Daniella noticed between the cult and the army remind me of some of the trauma I'm currently working through. Now, this is not to say that I am in any way comparing sexual assault and extreme child abuse to what I went through as a child, but I think that the connections I made to my life demonstrate that trauma, no matter the type, can have similar and lasting effects. Daniella described feeling that the only way she could belong was to keep huge parts of her life a secret, she explained that she began to pay the price for denial when flashbacks started setting in and that her drive for perfection was rooted in her need to survive. Each of these ideas describe trauma and the way survivors of childhood trauma interact with the world around them. Trauma affects your whole life, especially when you grow up experiencing trauma on a regular basis. It can change the way your brain forms and set the stage for how you will make decisions, form attachments/relationships and what you believe about yourself and the world. I'm currently working towards opening up that locked box that is my grief, because as Daniella explained, there is a price to pay for denial. My trauma and grief still live somewhere inside me and until I can form a healthy relationship with that part of me, I cannot fully heal. I hope that in her writing, Daniella was able to heal herself and work through that trauma, at least to some extent!
Uncultured is very well written, in chronological order with dates and locations, often something that can be challenging for writers of memoirs surrounding childhood trauma because their childhoods are extremely chaotic and memories can be incomplete or missing entirely. She was able to paint a clear picture of a life few readers would understand, both in the cult and in the army. I was able to picture her surroundings and connect emotionally with her challenges at each stage of her life. In both audiobook and written form I enjoyed her writing style and felt that the amount of detail included was perfect. There are many parts of this story that could be triggering, including some sexism and racism (mainly in the form of comments from other members of the army), but I think that the honesty and unfiltered descriptions provide a clearer picture of the problems in both cults and the army. I would highly recommend this book and am so appreciative of NetGalley and the publishers: St Martin's Press and Macmillan audio for giving me the chance to read and listen to this remarkable book.