Wow, this one was a really good one! White Flag by Judy Mandel is a memoir about an aunt who is trying to help her adult niece find her way through the continuous cycle of addiction and recovery. Judy's family has a history of trauma linked back to a freak accident in the 1950s when her mother and sisters were in a house fire caused by a plane crash! Judy's older sister tragically died in the crash and she went on to write a separate memoir called Replacement Child about her life as the "replacement" for her older sister. I ordered a copy of that one (don't tell David I spent more money on books... I may have also just bought some books from a book sale and scholastic last week....) but I absolutely can't wait to read it now that I have read this more recent memoir! Anyway, back to the synopsis, Judy's other sister survived the crash but was badly burned and had to undergo several surgeries related to skin grafts and reconstruction, and later in life fought lung cancer. Judy believes that the trauma her sister Linda suffered was passed down genetically to her niece, Cheryl. After Judy's sister dies, she feels a strong need to look out for and take care of Cheryl, who ends up in jail for crimes related to her cocaine addiction. Alternating between a traditional memoir style of writing, some excerpts of letters/facebook posts between Cheryl and Judy, and a non-fiction study of the impacts of trauma, addictions, poverty and social services in the United States, Judy tells a story while also teaching readers about a world they may not be familiar with: the life of an addict.
"Shame is like a virus among us." - Judy Mandel p. 54
One piece of the story that I found very interesting was the cycle of poverty. I've volunteered with youth who have experienced poverty, and have some personal understanding of the cycle of poverty though I was able to break it. While I'm no expert on the challenges people who experience addictions, homelessness, unemployment, chronic illness and incarceration may face, I do understand that the loopholes, double standards and complex systems meant to support these people often actually tend to confuse or limit them. Take a moment to imagine you need to get a drivers license. In order to get a learners permit you may need: identity documents, someone familiar with the system to support you like a mentor or social worker, access to a vehicle for lessons and a road test, finances to pay for the licence and drivers ed lessons, the ability to read and comprehend difficult forms, the ability to get to and from the licensing location during operating hours, a phone number, address and other necessary information. How might someone who is struggling to find employment and housing, working temp or shift work, approach these difficult tasks. How does one get identification without having another form of identification? How does one fill in an address form if they are currently homeless? The loopholes and barriers to such a simple item most people take for granted (a drivers license) are just one example of the systems in place that fail those in need.
While I fully understood and connected with the challenges Judy described as she helped Cheryl try to get back on her feet, one thing that actually surprised me was what a big impact the timing and location of this story had on Cheryl's life. When Cheryl is released from prison she has access to social services put in place under the Obama administration. Things like medicare and a simple cellphone with phone and text capabilities were available and Cheryl relied on them. When Trump became president these supports were quickly ripped away and in many ways likely contributed to Cheryl's death. While most Canadians can tell you we knew Trump's election would be a dumpster fire full of problems for many Americans, actually seeing the impact through a personal story is devastating. Aside from just the disappearance of social services, Trump also waged a war on drugs making it even more difficult for people like Cheryl to access the supports and health care they needed to deal with relapse and addiction.
As Judy tries to piece together a variety of information from doctors charts, family members, her own correspondence with Cheryl and journal entries and texts she found post mortem, Judy begins to realize that much of what she thought she knew about her family was only part of the story. I love this quote:
"The (obituary) is a testament to our collaborative dishonesty. Upholding the illusion, even in death" - Judy Mandel p. 156
It reminds me of the unnecessary secrets we tell about ourselves and our loved ones which really wont matter in the longterm, but yet we feel the need to curate and carefully construct a narrative around them. This is something I've been working on as well. September 18th and 30th are important days to me because they are my mother's birth and death dates. I am slowly starting to become more comfortable sharing bits and pieces about my mother's life and illness, but it is easy for me to fall into my own pattern of curating a story that only tells the parts of my mother's and my lives that I am comfortable with people knowing. In the end this curated version becomes a false version of a story that others wont know is incomplete, which is in itself dishonest.
Thanks to Katie and Brey Pa, Meryl Moss and Booktrib for the opportunity to read and review this amazing memoir! I highly recommend it for anyone interested in supporting people with addictions, or for anyone interested in finding a great new memoir!