Wow, this book was so enthralling. Worthy is a memoir by Kimberly Plante, describing her traumatic childhood and the ramifications that trauma had on her young adult and later life. To say she came from a dysfunctional family is an understatement. Kimberly's mother was abusive and neglectful, bordering on sadistic at times. Most of her childhood involved attempts to hide or get away from her mother, and some of her happiest memories are from times when she was with other family members, especially her grandma. Understandably, Kimberly left home on her 18th birthday and quickly fell into a young romance which brought financial challenges, young motherhood, and more isolation and loneliness. Over time Kimberly fought the demons of her childhood, gained confidence and self esteem and began to see herself as worthy, but it was a long and bumpy road to get there.
Kimberly's descriptions of her painful childhood are detailed and easy to follow, despite the many awful experiences she must have relived as she wrote them down. It is obvious that she put a tremendous amount of work into dealing with her past, because even her descriptions of the events show both a childlike perspective, yet use language that demonstrates thoughtful analysis of the situation. For example, in Chapter 8, Kimberly's mother brings her and her brother to California to visit family, but leaves her brother with a daycare centre and brings her to a random trailer and forces her to sit outside and be quiet for hours. When they return to the family member's house for dinner and the conversation turns to what the aunt assumed was a very fun day, Kimberly becomes emotional. She shares that she was hoping to go to Disneyland to visit Minnie and Mickey, which is a very age appropriate reaction. In Chapter 9, she references the situation and describes it as an "emotional breakdown", which I think shows reflection and introspection. It is normal for a child to cry over not going to Disneyland, it may be embarrassing for a parent hoping for perfectly-behaved children, but it is a pretty reasonable reaction. What Kimberly experienced was not a normal, childish reaction, she really did experience the severe emotional distress characterized by a breakdown because of the horrific treatment she received at the hands of her mother.
Kimberly was also abused by her younger brother. Often when we describe bullying and abuse we assume they are coming from a same age or older person because power differential is a main component, but power can be inferred in some situations where the victim is older. In this case, Kimberly's brother felt power over her because their mother favoured him and treated the two children very unequally. He also watched their mother abuse Kimberly and copied some of the same behaviours in his interactions with her. In Chapter 9, Kimberly asks Santa for a special doll, and is shocked when she receives the doll from an extended family member. She feels heard (by Santa) and that her voice is important, for the first time in her life. Her brother soon destroys the doll, another traumatic experience for Kimberly, and she feels as though she has let her doll down by not protecting her. It was heartbreaking to read, but I can only imagine how difficult it must have been to both experience and write about it, first hand.
"It occurred to me at that moment that bullies are drawn to those of us who just enjoy a simple thing without worrying about what someone thinks. But bullies see that joy and try to take it away from the person. They never try to just enjoy their own simple things. They either try to make what we enjoy seem worthless or — more drastically — do what my brother did: try to take the thing that they are enjoying and use it as a weapon to hurt them because they are jealous, not for the thing, but for the joy the thing brings them. Even though this had been the story of my entire life, seeing it happen to someone else made me realize that things like that didn’t happen only to me." Kimberly Plante. Worthy (BookSirens) (Kindle Locations 1920-1930). Kindle Edition.
This quote really stood out to me. It was a moment of realization for Kimberly, but is also a really succinct yet descriptive definition of bullying and the intent of abuse. It also demonstrates the author's ability to be both reflective and share an important message with her readers at the same time.
Worthy is not an easy book to read, but it is easy to be drawn in to the story. People who have experienced significant childhood trauma rarely see themselves as worthy of the good things in life. I think that while there may be some triggers in this book, it is one that could be an opening for reflection for survivors of childhood trauma. The author did a truly remarkable job describing her experiences and connecting the dots between the cause and effects throughout her life. I would highly recommend this book and am so appreciative of the opportunity to read and review it with the help of Booksirens.